chapter ii

chapter ii


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Everyone knows about King Arthur, his knights, the round table... but, when I heard once that his table was even alleged to seat over 100 people, I thought "Thank you, Arthur, for an incredibly good loophole to that question of who you would want at your table if you could choose anyone alive or dead." Not that it is hard to choose people that you would ideally want to have dinner with, but the trick is that a normal non-legendary table doesn't have that many spots. You have to be a good editor, clear thinker, ready for on-the-spot-answering. All things that are too restrictive for a hypothetical. Well, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to. But I don't want to, I just want lots of invitations.

My ideal dinner table is huge. I would invite my friends just to talk to other people so that I could then hear how it was talking to so-and-so at dinner. I might invite Donald Trump and Oprah to help the wait staff. Invite Bill Maher for the sole purpose of sitting under the table and rubbing Jesus's feet all night. (Jesus will not only have run a marathon in tennis shoes without socks but will have walked barefoot from the car through the grocery store re-hydrating while the soles of his feet gradually took on the signature shade of "H-E-B feet.") As for Martha Stewart, I hear she is unpleasant but for some reason I like her. I would absolutely let her help decorate and cook desserts, although the food would be prepared mostly by Tom and Lauren.

I would let Jay-Z decide if Martha gets to stay or not. I might let Andrew Zimmern take out the trash (probably with Nancy Grace) so that he could decide whether he wanted leftovers or rat. Either way, I don't want to see it.

I've got a whole long list. I won't put everything all out on the table just yet, but will slowly ease into this intricate process. Specifically, I know that I want Isaac Mizrahi there.
And I know this may seem like an unusual first choice (what about Ghandi, George Washington, William Shakespeare?) but I'm not going to sit next to him. He would probably sit on the other side of the round table. I mostly want Isaac to be there the next day so that we could get together and have pillow talk/couch time about the night before. I imagine he is a really talented and strong pillow talker. He can give a play by play of everyone's funny stories, connect some dramatic dots, and list his favorite outfits. His commentary will be the musical score for our visual journey through everyone's cleverly titled Facebook albums about the night before. "Looks like he/she went tanning with Michael Kors"..."Her dress was to die for"..."Oh my gosh, Oprah is in the background of this picture eating a piece of cake with her hands! Tag her!"...We will have a coffee, a Mango Electrico, a Topochico, French Fries, Chick-Fil-A, and then wonder simultaneously whether we should start day drinking or get a Shiver. He is a solid choice.

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